Circles are so simple, yet so complex. I’ve been told I make it look easy, that ease comes from a deep committment to honor the process and the key elements of Restorative Justice Circles. Here are a few of the elements and how utilizing them impacts the process, creating a deeper container a richer experience, and has people quickly moving to a place of emotional safety.
The opening/closing. I have a 3 inch 3 ring binder bursting with poems, readings and even an obituary. When you introduce this element you are sharing how Circle is different from our every day conversation, that sets a tone. The reading also provides one voice. The one reading, is the one speaking, at that time. People know that when someone is reading to a group, the thing to do is to listen. The reading creates an opportunity for the group (without knowing it) to do one of the things that makes Circle so successful (speak one at a time). When you get to a place of “one voice”, it is actually creating a collective energy of ‘one-ness’. Sound corny, but in that space you are having more than a conversation. This is a monitoring of the emotional climate (key Keeper skill) and when you have that spot reached, you have a deeper well.
Commitment to the Values. Crucial. Absolutely crucial. This sets the agenda and the tone for how we are going to relate to each other. Doing the values round as the first round, sets a tone, and the commitment to those values, sets and ground that the Center of the Circle, has a capital C. It is an easy place to find consensus, to talk about consensus. The other thing it does is give chance for a one-word or short sentence response. Quickly moving the Talking Piece around the Circle. Once every voice is heard, people have a sense of belonging, of value. They have given a vote on how they are willing to proceed. If I have a delicate topic or important conversation, I always ask “can I talk to you” or “do you have time right now”. This is a small but very influential relationship building technique.
Passing the Talking Piece Around the Circle. I think the Keeper was trying to point out use of the talking piece, when someone was blurting she asked if they needed it, the person said yes. It started a “popcorn” style, going across the Circle, bouncing around. Many of us were not in that particular stream of conversation. From my seat, it felt as if the individuals doing the talking had taken a bit of control of the process. When the Keeper started to engage the piece going all the way around, it felt more equal. Equality, sitting equal distance from the Center, equal opportunity with the talking piece. These physical actions influence our emotions, Spirit and thoughts.
Keeper as model to responses. I often go first, to show or demonstrate and to set the tone. Just offering “who wants to start” creates the extroverts going first. You have lost the chance to influence the emotional content, level or sharing and duration of explanation you are seeking. Sometimes going last to summarize is important. By going first you can also restate the question at the end of your sharing. Helpful for the person to your left or right. (I go both ways, another blog post).
Relationship Building. You can’t NOT be in relationship, and relationships are bi-lateral. Kindness builds a relationship. I often mention to the person on my left, “you have a big job, you’ll be going first” or I engage in talk that connects. Asking people safe questions to start and small talk shows you care. We specifically place volunteers in the Circle as people are starting with the task to do relationship-building. It means treating people with the utmost non-judgement. If someone hands you a pen, they are trying to be helpful, take it. Hand it back later when it is needed. People can be anxious or nervous, do what you can to be kind, helpful, non-judgemental, supportive. Be as safe as a Circle, engage values in every way you can. (click to Tweet).