Tag Archives: empty nest

Weird, kinda freaky, totally needed and helpful . . . finding a ring.

I am in my empty nest transition, as I type that transitioning to what I don’t know.  Am I just an “empty-nester” now, do I get another title?  “Happy, single, independent, bird house”?

Anyway . . . I believe in cleaning and rearranging, it just stirs up the energy and you feel a little different.  I want to feel differently because feeling badly my motherhood flew by isn’t very productive.  A task I had in mind was the total cleaning of my car.  Windex the dash, the cup holders, vacuum the dirt, toss my co-pilots collection of items on her side of the car.  She stopped being a regular passenger once she had her own car, but I still left her candy wrappers, dvds and misc. trinkets in her door pocket.

So I need to tell you these pieces.  My Mom died when I was 20.  She struggled with breast cancer from the time I was 13.  We had “mother-daughter” angst to say the least.  We never got the chance to reconnect as an adult mother-daughter.  So I realize my reality for an adult mother – adult daughter bond is limited.  I might be experiencing my daughter (my only child) leaving with irrational fears about us reconnecting.  (I don’t know, don’t you Freud yourself once in a while?).

It has been Kris and Kylie for nearly all of her 18.5 years of life.  I was married for 6 months when she was 3, engaged and lived with someone for a few months.  I let another someone live with us, for just a few months.  That accumulates to approximately 1 year it wasn’t just us.  Ky had limited involvement with her Dad, I’d say a grand total of 3-4 months time her whole life.  To me that seems like we were pretty much a family of two.  I am having a hard time being 1, but I am working on it.

I was cleaning my car Saturday.  Working thru thoughts of my life being different, needing in a way for a bit of my surroundings to be different.  I dusted and cleaned and mulled over many a road trip, and hopes for more.  Realizing they hold the potential to be different. The glove box was open, and there on the edge, not in the glove box was a ring.  

I picked up the dirty piece of jewelry and wondered why it never fell on the floor.  I looked it over two rings, bound to each other.  It hit me.

Kylie and I will always be connected.

It was the 4th of July, and the last time I ever saw my Mom alive, was on the 4th of July.  I will always be connected to my Mother.

I examined the ring closer.  525 was stamped on this inside of one of the rings, my understanding is that would be considered sterling silver (925 is Tiffany Co. Silver).  Then amazing as it was this ring fit perfectly on my right hand.  I have large hands for a woman, I’m 5’9″ and not petite.

Ironically enough I had just reconnected with an old friend and she had a ring just like this, just engraved with the names of her children.

I kept the ring on, finished my cleaning, thought and thought if Kylie ever had something like this.  Tried to think how it stayed perched on the edge of my glove box.  I stopped caring about the past, and just delighted in the meaningful experience of having a physical object to represent the bond with my daughter.  A real physical thing I could see touch and feel.  I can play with the rings, they slip and mix around each other.

Once inside I got my silver cloth and shined up the new find.  I wore it awhile, then tried to take it off, I typically don’t wear any jewelry daily.  It sat in my jewelry dish for 10 minutes, I had to go back and put it on.  I think this ring finally found its owner.  I have no idea how it got to me, where it came from, but it is definitely mine now.

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Filed under Belonging, Full Circle Experiences, Kris Miner, Meeting Goals, personal growth, Relationships

It’s time to talk about my empty nest. Lessons for all of us.

There are cycles in nature, there are cycles in life.  Some days you feel on top of the pile and some times you feel like the pile.  My life is mid-cycle right now.  My daughter recently moved out.  She’s doing it her way, slowly.  She was home last night for a few hours, but didn’t sleep here.  I am forced to cope with this as she is handling it.  The transition is complicated, her car is being repaired and her job is here, her new home in the Cities.

I am trying to live my life restoratively.  That means being in ‘right relationship’ with others, all creation and creator.

I don’t know or feel like I am doing very good at that.  You see, I am hurting right now.  Sad to see this chapter in life end.  Sorry for all the moments I didn’t be a better Mom.  For the moments I was a great Mom, those opportunities are different now.  I have to figure out how to be SuperMom, in a different way. 

Yet I am faced with great opportunity for change right now.  I have a freedom of time and certain responsibility.  My life has eased up in a demanding category (housework, dishes, laundry – I find these things demanding).  I am in a pull to change and a pull to stay the same.

I am reminded of a quote – something about how our real character is who we are at our “in-between” times.  I’m “in-between”. 

My lessons to share:

1.) be mindful of the path.  Am I on the right path?  Who do I want to be.  What do I want to become.  Where are you on your path?

2.)small habits add up.  I haven’t made it to yoga and have NO excuse.  I haven’t packed and prepared my lunch, still eating what can be purchased quickly.  Change is a little over a long time, the littles add up.

3.)Here is here.  Now is now.  What can I do at this moment to be ME, the best person I am.  Just because of a role change, all the positive qualities I have are not gone.  I just need to BE.

Dear Readers, thank you for joining me on the journey.  The blog is going to be two years old in the fall.  Right now over 60,ooo views.  In the grand scheme of blogging that might be someone else’s daily volume, for me, I am honored to have contacted that many people.

I believe personal and professional mix.  I needed to document in this time and space where I am.  I hope the sharing of my life, helps with yours.

Namaste.

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Filed under Kris Miner, Meeting Goals, Peace, personal growth