I mentioned the getting acquainted question in this post. I gave it a try and was really impressed with how it worked. Once again the Circle process did not fail me.
It was cute to see the person wearing a t-shirt with a soccer ball on it, say she knew alot about soccer, because she had played it since she was 5. Or the person that said, he knew alot about movies, because he watches so many. Some shared how they knew alot about the place they worked, from working there so much.
It was a slightly different turn on a question I had used in the past, asking people about something they were “good” at and who taught them. Instead of a judgment of being good or bad at something, this question just drew out the fact a person had information about it.
One person really caught me off guard. He said he knew alot about drugs, and knew that from using them. It seemed I was the only one that flinched. Before another second passed the talking piece was in the hands of the next person and the answers were all more typical. Knowing alot about baseball, video games, horses. Of the many circles that I have tried that question on , that was the only response that included something against the law.
I wonder what the ripple effect has been for the person that shared that. I noticed some remorse in the statement, the non-verbal cues, I suspect the person is in recovery, but I don’t know. It certainly wasn’t stated as a bravado or bragging, from my perspective it sounded ashamed. Judging from the non-response in the Circle, I suspect it is something the others may have also known.
What strikes me is that you can place something in the Center of the Circle, and it is there. It is just there. How many things in our life do we get to just have, without judgment being placed on them. If its not others judging it, its probably ourselves. Doe these questions ever rattle your brain?
“Am I good enough? Did this measure up? Is someone else doing it this way? Will my boss approve? Do I look fat in this? Will I be able to do this? Why did she look at me like that?”
By putting something in the Center of a Circle and not having it judged we are able to remove ourselves from it just enough to look at it differently. If you think others see you as “wrong” you just immediately defend yourself. If you are certain you are right, they are wrong, again, responding to defend. The defending over rides the ability to simply look at what you put in the center of the circle. I believe it takes self-awareness to change. How can you change if you are being defensive, you have your back to your idea, you are defending it. If we don’t judge we allow people to also look at what they put in the center. To look at it and see if that is what they want for themselves.
I hope there was growth for the person who said that. I hope by being the only person in Circle that answered like that he found something. I know I found that not judging it may have been the best thing to do.